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Literature by avarie-shy

Literature by thanxforthefish

Writing by newkidwithoutbraces

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Submitted on
March 4, 2008
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2.9 KB


20,644 (1 today)
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Destroy This Poem

To the person grading this poem
To the kind, patient woman hovering over this with a pen
Waiting to say kind, patient words in response, do me a favor:
Stop it.
Don’t Patronize me.
I did not slave over this with hammer and anvil
Shaping it into a masterpiece.
I didn’t paint it onto the ceiling of some church,
Going blind from the pain and the stress.
I didn’t even turn this in on time.

And while I’m writing this in my fifth-period economy class,
You can bet I’m not concerned with iambs and troches and Italian terza rima.
No, I’m concerned with how much water is left in my water bottle.
This isn’t a masterpiece.
Who are we kidding?
You’re not going to hurt it, and you most certainly aren’t going to hurt me.
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.

I want you to destroy my work.
I want you to rip it to shreds with sadistic dominatrix glee.
Tear it apart from margin to margin;
Laugh openly at its crippled, struggling body.
Stab through its sputtering heart with the sharp edge of your pen.
Piss on it, for all I care.
Mark it as your own.

I want you to handle this poem with all the delicacy and surgical precision
of a butcher in a slaughterhouse
of a serial rapist
of Caligula ripping a baby from his sister’s womb.

Jab a knife through the soft flesh of its stomach
And gut it like a fish.
Watch it gargle to breathe as letters pour out of its wounds.

You want persona?
I am the speaker.
This is my humpbacked, pulsating blob of a poem.
And you are Jack the Ripper.
You are Charles Manson.
gnitirW. yM. lliK.

This has no meter.
No beat.
No style.
No lines that long and linger for the comfort of a smile.
No form to be worth your while.
it dont evn rime.

Its imagery lacks depth and imagination.
No, it does not show potential.
It is not “clever” or “good” or “interesting.”

Quit feeding it lies.

And if you dare write “nice”
Or “good image” one more time in the margins,
I swear I am going to snap.

This isn’t going on anyone’s fridge.
It does not deserve a “super” or an “A+.”
It deserves to die.

And as I’m finishing this up in class,
Do not be concerned with how I feel.
I’m thinking to myself, “let’s flush this fucker down.”

So as you’re sitting there, kindly, patiently reading
This beer-shit guttural splattering I call a poem,
Please just be honest.
Who are we kidding?
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.
This work is copyright- and royalty-free. 
Copyright and related rights waived via CC0 


:jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt:
HO-SHEET, a DD! I'm absolutely grateful for
all the wonderful comments and +favs and whatnot,
but this is probably the most ironic piece that could
be featured from me. Ah well. It's kind of awesome
that way.

If you're curious what my teacher thought, she said
that she knew she shouldn't call it good, but that she
wanted to, and that good critique is hard to give as well
as take. There's a very fine line between what's good and what's bad, and then a finer one in how to express that. Her example was a poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti that compared writing a poem to walking a tightrope. Anyway, she then said that maybe I could take out the line about "I just said 'fuck in a poem I have written for school,' because it was somewhat redundant. Other than that, she said she really couldn't think of anything, and gave me an A.

Also, big shout-outs to :iconorphicfiddler:, my wondrous girlfriend, and :iconczarewich:, an amazing writer, poet, and friend I've always admired. Go check out their work. It's definitely worth your while. :)

And, of course, big thanks to BloodyFreakingMary and fllnthblnk for the suggesting and featuring and whatnot. I'm incredibly grateful, guys.

Here, have some cookies:
:cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie::cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie:

This is another poem I wrote for my AP English 12 class. The assignment was that we had to write a "tell 'em off" poem, where we--obviously--tell somebody off. Unfortunately, I'm not really the angry sort. I really don't know how to tell somebody off, because if they bother me, they're not worth the effort and I'll just leave. I really don't think anyone's ever seen me pissed. Mad, maybe, but outright pissed? Never. Then I had to think of who to tell off, and no one came to mind. I could probably tell off the girl I liked, but I didn't really want to. I really can't be pissed at her, and every time I tried to write a poem going in that direction, it just made me sad inside. I'd feel miserable and flop down on my bed and refuse to move--Caleb the social starfish, I guess. That image makes me smile. Plus, I'm kinda sick about having poems referring to her in one way or another, or any of my artwork at all. I know that it'll probably happen anyway, and it does, but I'm seriously not doing it on purpose, and I try not to encourage it.

That said, I decided to write about how my teacher always comments with "nice" or "good image" on my paper. I know she's busy, but even one line of critique would be nice. So I decided to write a poem about that. The first poem was actually called "fuck censorship" and was fairly graphic for a school assignment, and I was going to turn that in. But I wasn't happy with it, so I didn't. I wrote this instead, and it's the epitome of "don't try." I really did write all of it in my fifth-period economy class, recorded it onto a CD ten minutes before school started, and typed the poem in my third-period art class (I have English 4th period.) Then I asked the teacher for a paper clip and clipped the CD to the paper and turned it in. I said that it was spoken word, because I thought it would be more interesting. Then I told her not to listen to it during my class period, and to wear headphones when she did. Also, in the copy I turned in, right after the "let's flush this fucker down" line, there was an ellipses followed by "I just said 'fuck' in a poem I am turning in for school." She told me that line was stating the obvious, though, so I took it out for this copy.

Oh, and the "dominatrix" line is from an inside-joke between :iconneomalith: and I, because our teacher always decides to wear leather boots. XD

Also, the "beer-shit guttural splattering" line is based off of a quote I like by Charles Bukowski. He said that a good poem was like taking a beer-shit. It all comes out fluid, all at once. You watch it, kind of proudly, and bask in its fumes, and then you feel a little sad as you flush it away. So that's where that line came from.

All in all, I'm amused by this, and I hope everyone else is, too. Enjoy. :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2010-04-24
Destroy This Poem by ~niedec is clever, good, and interesting... or perhaps not! This poem demands you realize the value of honest feedback. ( Suggested by BloodyFreakingMary and Featured by fllnthblnk )
Hanzelvania Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  New member
Reading this out loud is damn satisfying XD
niedec Featured By Owner Edited Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, super-glad you think that. :)

It was my first attempt at spoken-word, so I wanted it to be satisfying when performed. My inspiration was "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali, 
which my 11th-grade English teacher played for the class:…

I have two other poems that are pretty fun to read aloud. The first is just a bunch of nonsense I wrote to sound beautiful:…

The second is a poem called "The Blood Parade," which is mostly devoid of structure, but has a pretty good rhythm to it:…
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Okay, I just discovered this now, and this comment is probably going to be somewhat redundant in what it says because of all the other comments here, I can't imagine that I have something to say that hasn't been said. But I feel like I have to comment, because I have things to say. And I don't really care if they've been said before, not much anyway. Awkward preface over, here goes.

This is not at all the sort of thing I usually read, or want to read. I have no clue how I found it. Just to make the point, this is NOT at all similar to things I usually read. If I'm reading poetry usually it's the stuff people think of when they hear poetry, the "thoughtful", kinda fluffy, things about flowers and such. I read fantasy and science fiction, I had a herd of imaginary unicorns as a kid. I read "girly" and "happy" stuff, usually.


But sometimes there's the things that have a weird fascination for me. Maybe partly because they are so out-of-character for me to be reading. Things like the Hunger Games or grimdark fanfiction. This is one of them. It's different from the poetry I've read, in tone and form and lack of shiny-ness, but the difference makes it fascinating.

This poem is the kind of thing that I really like, but when thinking about why I like it I feel surprised. Like roller coasters, when for the first 17 years of my life the most adventurous ride I'd go on was the spinning Teacups ride at Disneyland. Thing I like but I don't know why I like them, because liking them shows a side of me I didn't know existed.

I don't know. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe nothing I'm trying to say makes sense to anyone besides me. Heck, it doesn't even entirely make sense to me.

I don't usually comment much, I'm quiet and shy about this sort of thing, but...
I really like this poem. It is how it breaks the way I'm used to thinking about poems, but does it in a way that's really in character with what it's saying.

I'd like to offer critique, but I don't know how.
I like to write, for myself, and this is one of the most fascinating things I've read lately.

Incidentally, I don't know if you'd be interested, but this is actually the third thing I've read recently where the form really matches the content. The others are things from my English class, and in lieu of an essay, I'm going to be doing a kind of complicated style-experiment with them. *shrug*
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, no worries about your reply, and definitely never worry about the content. I love replies, whatever they are. To drill that home, you need to understand that I've had this account since I was 14. I'm turning 24 in fifteen days. And for the bulk of the years that I've been on here, I've just posted pieces that I'm proud of, but feel no one sees/comments on, and then others that everyone seems to love. 

Since this got a DD and a ton of commenters, you probably assume that this falls into the latter category. Eventually, it did, but it took two years. Before that, it sat around with about 100 views and 3 favorites. No one noticed at all. I got lucky that one guy loved it in the same way you seem to, and brought it to a moderator's attention. Since you're a writer, I'll pass along three things that I learned from that that may help you:
1) It's not how many people see your stuff, it's who sees it; the right person on a lucky day is all that matters.
2) Attention does not equal talent. Just because you don't have an audience doesn't mean your work is bad.
3) If you see something that resonates with you, and you want it to succeed, by that "lucky person." I helped someone in a similar position get a DD that way. She thought her photographs weren't well-liked. Turns out that it was just hard to find them. This was the photo:…

Also, I complete relate to what you're saying about being "out-of-character." For one, that's actually my goal with these. I'm not sure if you've ever done this, but I love  to play happy music when sad, and sad music when happy, because it lets me feel both emotions at once. When I'm sad, happy music seems to accentuate my sadness, and when I'm happy, I notice the lighter sides of sad songs. It's sort of a liberating feeling. Only in art do I get to experience two emotions so completely at once. So I have a lot of dark, sad comedies and wistful breakup poems, and rambling angry, non-serious things like this. I adore contrast.

Secondly, I'm a lot like you, actually. In elementary school, I was extremely sensitive. I couldn't do ghost-hunting activities at sleepovers, not even in a group. I'd hide in my sleeping-bag until the game was over. And there were folksy-songs my music teacher played that I found too violent or dark, and they'd sicken me so much I'd have to leave the room. Every time. For years. Yet overcoming fears is the surest way to growth as a human-being, I've found, and so I've grown to love the contrast between how I feel about fears and the feeling overcoming them brings to me. If you go into my gallery for long enough, you'll eventually see depression and violence and spiders. In reality, I hate all of those things, but exploring them in art allows me to appreciate them in a way that's impossible in life, and helps me. Anyway, your appreciation for sides of yourself you didn't know existed seems very similar. I've only met a handful of people like that, so thanks again for sharing that with me.

This is getting ludicrously long, but I figured that since you liked my writing, I should share a few pieces you might like for a rainy day. They're the ones that inspired me.

First up is my girlfriend's writing. We met through our writing on here and fell in love. This is a word-game/poem we did together:…

Second is "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg. When I read it, I was amazed. I didn't think poetry was allowed to do this:…

Next is "This Poet" by Charles Bukowski. If you want to talk "forms that fit the feeling," this is the best example you'll ever find. Yes, it's supposed to look like that:…

Fourth is my favorite poem, "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot. Maybe you've read it before:

And if you ever have time, there are a few others in my gallery I think that you'd love. No need to view them, though. Seriously just throwing out suggestions:

"The Blood Parade" :…
"When The Angels Came" (It's a song from an album I'm putting together):…
"Glass in the Field" (another song):…

And I have a Tumblr webcomic called "Bleak":

I don't have the files uploaded for the songs I listed, but I will by tomorrow. 

Not sure if it's relevant, but also, my work is "copyrighted-but-not-copyrighted." Use if for whatever purpose, commercial or otherwise, if you feel so inclined. I'll be making all this stuff creative-commons on my 10-year anniversary on here.

Anyway, thanks again for the incredibly thoughtful reply. It's part of what keeps me going. If you feel like sharing those other poems you've seen or the style experiment or maybe some of your own writing or what-have-you, I'd love to take a look. 

Cheers. :)
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Ah, shoot, one of my links failed. Second try.
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Oh wow. First and simplest thing, thanks for all the recommendations. I don't have the time at the moment to look through them all but I did take a few quick looks and they seem really interesting.

I am glad you understand the "out-of-character" thing - though I'm afraid I can't quite agree with your sentiments about listening to happy music when sad. When I do that I usually just get kinda pissed off at the music. *shrug*

I probably won't use your work for anything though it would be interesting to think of something to do with it... I don't really art. Well, except photos. I'm mostly here to put stock photos up and do photomanipulations occasionally, that's about all I can handle without feeling weird about it. I'd rather not type it up again, for this comment, but my first journal entry was me kinda rambling about "why am I here" (…

And then thinking about this poem and a few others I found (probably with the more on deviantArt thingy) was more interesting than my English work so I wrote a thing.…
I'm not actually sure how I feel about it. It just kind of happened.

Mostly I think I'm not sure what I'm doing and I don't especially expect anyone to look at it (actually it's a little scary when they do), and then sometimes people like things. (I got a DD out of basically-nowhere from my perspective last month, and it was confusing as all get-out)

I really would like to discuss the style experiment, but maybe we should move that conversation to notes? It's a little complicated for putting in the comments and most of the stuff I want to say involves kinda-synesthesia stuff that I'm never sure whether makes sense or not, so it feels weird putting it here. I do really want to tell you though, because they're the things I read that are structured in a way that goes with the ideas.
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, notes might be best. I'll move everything over there. :)
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
(oh gosh, sorry for the weird ramble at you, apparently when I 'can' say things I'm either silent or I go weirdly ramble-y at people. Also apparently I write things in a sort of exploratory fashion if I'm rambling about how I feel/react to things. Er. Sorry.)
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh geez, once you see what I wrote, you won't feel like apologizing. I'm a silent-but-rambly type, too. 
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
I read your writing with a smile,
draggin' blade 'cross stone all the wile,
when at last the readin' was done,
I settled in for some bloody fun,
but somethings come up, we'll have to continue this another time!
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