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March 4, 2008
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Destroy This Poem

To the person grading this poem
To the kind, patient woman hovering over this with a pen
Waiting to say kind, patient words in response, do me a favor:
Stop it.
Don’t Patronize me.
I did not slave over this with hammer and anvil
Shaping it into a masterpiece.
I didn’t paint it onto the ceiling of some church,
Going blind from the pain and the stress.
I didn’t even turn this in on time.

And while I’m writing this in my fifth-period economy class,
You can bet I’m not concerned with iambs and troches and Italian terza rima.
No, I’m concerned with how much water is left in my water bottle.
This isn’t a masterpiece.
Who are we kidding?
You’re not going to hurt it, and you most certainly aren’t going to hurt me.
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.

I want you to destroy my work.
I want you to rip it to shreds with sadistic dominatrix glee.
Tear it apart from margin to margin;
Laugh openly at its crippled, struggling body.
Stab through its sputtering heart with the sharp edge of your pen.
Piss on it, for all I care.
Mark it as your own.

I want you to handle this poem with all the delicacy and surgical precision
of a butcher in a slaughterhouse
of a serial rapist
of Caligula ripping a baby from his sister’s womb.

Jab a knife through the soft flesh of its stomach
And gut it like a fish.
Watch it gargle to breathe as letters pour out of its wounds.

You want persona?
I am the speaker.
This is my humpbacked, pulsating blob of a poem.
And you are Jack the Ripper.
You are Charles Manson.
gnitirW. yM. lliK.

This has no meter.
No beat.
No style.
No lines that long and linger for the comfort of a smile.
No form to be worth your while.
it dont evn rime.

Its imagery lacks depth and imagination.
No, it does not show potential.
It is not “clever” or “good” or “interesting.”

Quit feeding it lies.

And if you dare write “nice”
Or “good image” one more time in the margins,
I swear I am going to snap.

This isn’t going on anyone’s fridge.
It does not deserve a “super” or an “A+.”
It deserves to die.

And as I’m finishing this up in class,
Do not be concerned with how I feel.
I’m thinking to myself, “let’s flush this fucker down.”


So as you’re sitting there, kindly, patiently reading
This beer-shit guttural splattering I call a poem,
Please just be honest.
Who are we kidding?
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.
This work is copyright- and royalty-free. 
Copyright and related rights waived via CC0 

---

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: 
:jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt: :jackdirt:
HO-SHEET, a DD! I'm absolutely grateful for
all the wonderful comments and +favs and whatnot,
but this is probably the most ironic piece that could
be featured from me. Ah well. It's kind of awesome
that way.

If you're curious what my teacher thought, she said
that she knew she shouldn't call it good, but that she
wanted to, and that good critique is hard to give as well
as take. There's a very fine line between what's good and what's bad, and then a finer one in how to express that. Her example was a poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti that compared writing a poem to walking a tightrope. Anyway, she then said that maybe I could take out the line about "I just said 'fuck in a poem I have written for school,' because it was somewhat redundant. Other than that, she said she really couldn't think of anything, and gave me an A.

Also, big shout-outs to :iconorphicfiddler:, my wondrous girlfriend, and :iconczarewich:, an amazing writer, poet, and friend I've always admired. Go check out their work. It's definitely worth your while. :)



And, of course, big thanks to BloodyFreakingMary and fllnthblnk for the suggesting and featuring and whatnot. I'm incredibly grateful, guys.

Here, have some cookies:
:cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie::cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie: :cookie:



This is another poem I wrote for my AP English 12 class. The assignment was that we had to write a "tell 'em off" poem, where we--obviously--tell somebody off. Unfortunately, I'm not really the angry sort. I really don't know how to tell somebody off, because if they bother me, they're not worth the effort and I'll just leave. I really don't think anyone's ever seen me pissed. Mad, maybe, but outright pissed? Never. Then I had to think of who to tell off, and no one came to mind. I could probably tell off the girl I liked, but I didn't really want to. I really can't be pissed at her, and every time I tried to write a poem going in that direction, it just made me sad inside. I'd feel miserable and flop down on my bed and refuse to move--Caleb the social starfish, I guess. That image makes me smile. Plus, I'm kinda sick about having poems referring to her in one way or another, or any of my artwork at all. I know that it'll probably happen anyway, and it does, but I'm seriously not doing it on purpose, and I try not to encourage it.

That said, I decided to write about how my teacher always comments with "nice" or "good image" on my paper. I know she's busy, but even one line of critique would be nice. So I decided to write a poem about that. The first poem was actually called "fuck censorship" and was fairly graphic for a school assignment, and I was going to turn that in. But I wasn't happy with it, so I didn't. I wrote this instead, and it's the epitome of "don't try." I really did write all of it in my fifth-period economy class, recorded it onto a CD ten minutes before school started, and typed the poem in my third-period art class (I have English 4th period.) Then I asked the teacher for a paper clip and clipped the CD to the paper and turned it in. I said that it was spoken word, because I thought it would be more interesting. Then I told her not to listen to it during my class period, and to wear headphones when she did. Also, in the copy I turned in, right after the "let's flush this fucker down" line, there was an ellipses followed by "I just said 'fuck' in a poem I am turning in for school." She told me that line was stating the obvious, though, so I took it out for this copy.

Oh, and the "dominatrix" line is from an inside-joke between :iconneomalith: and I, because our teacher always decides to wear leather boots. XD

Also, the "beer-shit guttural splattering" line is based off of a quote I like by Charles Bukowski. He said that a good poem was like taking a beer-shit. It all comes out fluid, all at once. You watch it, kind of proudly, and bask in its fumes, and then you feel a little sad as you flush it away. So that's where that line came from.

All in all, I'm amused by this, and I hope everyone else is, too. Enjoy. :)
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2010-04-24
Destroy This Poem by ~niedec is clever, good, and interesting... or perhaps not! This poem demands you realize the value of honest feedback. ( Suggested by BloodyFreakingMary and Featured by fllnthblnk )
:iconhanzelvania:
Hanzelvania Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2014  New member
Reading this out loud is damn satisfying XD
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Edited Nov 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, super-glad you think that. :)

It was my first attempt at spoken-word, so I wanted it to be satisfying when performed. My inspiration was "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali, 
which my 11th-grade English teacher played for the class: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK…

I have two other poems that are pretty fun to read aloud. The first is just a bunch of nonsense I wrote to sound beautiful: niedec.deviantart.com/art/Beau…

The second is a poem called "The Blood Parade," which is mostly devoid of structure, but has a pretty good rhythm to it: niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…
Reply
:icondestinyswalrus:
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Okay, I just discovered this now, and this comment is probably going to be somewhat redundant in what it says because of all the other comments here, I can't imagine that I have something to say that hasn't been said. But I feel like I have to comment, because I have things to say. And I don't really care if they've been said before, not much anyway. Awkward preface over, here goes.



This is not at all the sort of thing I usually read, or want to read. I have no clue how I found it. Just to make the point, this is NOT at all similar to things I usually read. If I'm reading poetry usually it's the stuff people think of when they hear poetry, the "thoughtful", kinda fluffy, things about flowers and such. I read fantasy and science fiction, I had a herd of imaginary unicorns as a kid. I read "girly" and "happy" stuff, usually.

Usually.

But sometimes there's the things that have a weird fascination for me. Maybe partly because they are so out-of-character for me to be reading. Things like the Hunger Games or grimdark fanfiction. This is one of them. It's different from the poetry I've read, in tone and form and lack of shiny-ness, but the difference makes it fascinating.

This poem is the kind of thing that I really like, but when thinking about why I like it I feel surprised. Like roller coasters, when for the first 17 years of my life the most adventurous ride I'd go on was the spinning Teacups ride at Disneyland. Thing I like but I don't know why I like them, because liking them shows a side of me I didn't know existed.


I don't know. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe nothing I'm trying to say makes sense to anyone besides me. Heck, it doesn't even entirely make sense to me.

I don't usually comment much, I'm quiet and shy about this sort of thing, but...
I really like this poem. It is how it breaks the way I'm used to thinking about poems, but does it in a way that's really in character with what it's saying.

I'd like to offer critique, but I don't know how.
I like to write, for myself, and this is one of the most fascinating things I've read lately.



Incidentally, I don't know if you'd be interested, but this is actually the third thing I've read recently where the form really matches the content. The others are things from my English class, and in lieu of an essay, I'm going to be doing a kind of complicated style-experiment with them. *shrug*
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, no worries about your reply, and definitely never worry about the content. I love replies, whatever they are. To drill that home, you need to understand that I've had this account since I was 14. I'm turning 24 in fifteen days. And for the bulk of the years that I've been on here, I've just posted pieces that I'm proud of, but feel no one sees/comments on, and then others that everyone seems to love. 

Since this got a DD and a ton of commenters, you probably assume that this falls into the latter category. Eventually, it did, but it took two years. Before that, it sat around with about 100 views and 3 favorites. No one noticed at all. I got lucky that one guy loved it in the same way you seem to, and brought it to a moderator's attention. Since you're a writer, I'll pass along three things that I learned from that that may help you:
 
1) It's not how many people see your stuff, it's who sees it; the right person on a lucky day is all that matters.
2) Attention does not equal talent. Just because you don't have an audience doesn't mean your work is bad.
3) If you see something that resonates with you, and you want it to succeed, by that "lucky person." I helped someone in a similar position get a DD that way. She thought her photographs weren't well-liked. Turns out that it was just hard to find them. This was the photo: today.deviantart.com/art/Horro…

Also, I complete relate to what you're saying about being "out-of-character." For one, that's actually my goal with these. I'm not sure if you've ever done this, but I love  to play happy music when sad, and sad music when happy, because it lets me feel both emotions at once. When I'm sad, happy music seems to accentuate my sadness, and when I'm happy, I notice the lighter sides of sad songs. It's sort of a liberating feeling. Only in art do I get to experience two emotions so completely at once. So I have a lot of dark, sad comedies and wistful breakup poems, and rambling angry, non-serious things like this. I adore contrast.

Secondly, I'm a lot like you, actually. In elementary school, I was extremely sensitive. I couldn't do ghost-hunting activities at sleepovers, not even in a group. I'd hide in my sleeping-bag until the game was over. And there were folksy-songs my music teacher played that I found too violent or dark, and they'd sicken me so much I'd have to leave the room. Every time. For years. Yet overcoming fears is the surest way to growth as a human-being, I've found, and so I've grown to love the contrast between how I feel about fears and the feeling overcoming them brings to me. If you go into my gallery for long enough, you'll eventually see depression and violence and spiders. In reality, I hate all of those things, but exploring them in art allows me to appreciate them in a way that's impossible in life, and helps me. Anyway, your appreciation for sides of yourself you didn't know existed seems very similar. I've only met a handful of people like that, so thanks again for sharing that with me.

This is getting ludicrously long, but I figured that since you liked my writing, I should share a few pieces you might like for a rainy day. They're the ones that inspired me.

First up is my girlfriend's writing. We met through our writing on here and fell in love. This is a word-game/poem we did together: orphicfiddler.deviantart.com/a…

Second is "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg. When I read it, I was amazed. I didn't think poetry was allowed to do this: www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/…

Next is "This Poet" by Charles Bukowski. If you want to talk "forms that fit the feeling," this is the best example you'll ever find. Yes, it's supposed to look like that: bybukowski.tumblr.com/post/236…

Fourth is my favorite poem, "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot. Maybe you've read it before: www.bartleby.com/198/1.html


And if you ever have time, there are a few others in my gallery I think that you'd love. No need to view them, though. Seriously just throwing out suggestions:

"The Blood Parade" : niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…
"When The Angels Came" (It's a song from an album I'm putting together): niedec.deviantart.com/art/When…
"Glass in the Field" (another song): niedec.deviantart.com/art/Glas…

And I have a Tumblr webcomic called "Bleak": niederer.tumblr.com/

I don't have the files uploaded for the songs I listed, but I will by tomorrow. 

Not sure if it's relevant, but also, my work is "copyrighted-but-not-copyrighted." Use if for whatever purpose, commercial or otherwise, if you feel so inclined. I'll be making all this stuff creative-commons on my 10-year anniversary on here.

Anyway, thanks again for the incredibly thoughtful reply. It's part of what keeps me going. If you feel like sharing those other poems you've seen or the style experiment or maybe some of your own writing or what-have-you, I'd love to take a look. 

Cheers. :)
Reply
:icondestinyswalrus:
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Ah, shoot, one of my links failed. Second try.
Journal: destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…
Reply
:icondestinyswalrus:
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Oh wow. First and simplest thing, thanks for all the recommendations. I don't have the time at the moment to look through them all but I did take a few quick looks and they seem really interesting.

I am glad you understand the "out-of-character" thing - though I'm afraid I can't quite agree with your sentiments about listening to happy music when sad. When I do that I usually just get kinda pissed off at the music. *shrug*


I probably won't use your work for anything though it would be interesting to think of something to do with it... I don't really art. Well, except photos. I'm mostly here to put stock photos up and do photomanipulations occasionally, that's about all I can handle without feeling weird about it. I'd rather not type it up again, for this comment, but my first journal entry was me kinda rambling about "why am I here" (destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…

And then thinking about this poem and a few others I found (probably with the more on deviantArt thingy) was more interesting than my English work so I wrote a thing.
destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…
I'm not actually sure how I feel about it. It just kind of happened.

Mostly I think I'm not sure what I'm doing and I don't especially expect anyone to look at it (actually it's a little scary when they do), and then sometimes people like things. (I got a DD out of basically-nowhere from my perspective last month, and it was confusing as all get-out)


I really would like to discuss the style experiment, but maybe we should move that conversation to notes? It's a little complicated for putting in the comments and most of the stuff I want to say involves kinda-synesthesia stuff that I'm never sure whether makes sense or not, so it feels weird putting it here. I do really want to tell you though, because they're the things I read that are structured in a way that goes with the ideas.
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, notes might be best. I'll move everything over there. :)
Reply
:icondestinyswalrus:
destinysWalrus Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
(oh gosh, sorry for the weird ramble at you, apparently when I 'can' say things I'm either silent or I go weirdly ramble-y at people. Also apparently I write things in a sort of exploratory fashion if I'm rambling about how I feel/react to things. Er. Sorry.)
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh geez, once you see what I wrote, you won't feel like apologizing. I'm a silent-but-rambly type, too. 
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
I read your writing with a smile,
draggin' blade 'cross stone all the wile,
when at last the readin' was done,
I settled in for some bloody fun,
but somethings come up, we'll have to continue this another time!
:D
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While reading your comment with candles wax,
I bit off the head of a bird to relax,
and peeled bits of skin until I was more bone,
than man, and I fantasized more on your poem:

of taking a blade, and so carefully honing
it steadily, quickly to aid my de-boning. 

But then I woke up from this dreaming of mine.
We'll have to continue this some other time....

lol. :D
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
Fast you are and fast you be,
you may well be too fast for me,
in my aged decrepitude,
walker, cane and support shoed,
Synapses don't move as fast,
as they did in eons past,
Questions? I have only one...
Have you more, or are you done?

:)
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
When time will still my crippled hand,
and winds blow dust and ashes fly...

when silence coats the barren land
which boils under angry sky...

when all that could be said's been said,
and all the we have done is done,

when underground, some billions dead
start decomposing into one...

When God and all His angels count
each eon that has passed us by,

each holy voice will then cry out:

"why wouldn't Niedec's writing die?!"
Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013
When I asked for more, you gave me much,
a wondrous write that I can't touch.
I've read your words a dozen times
and not responded for lack of rhymes.
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
There sat a lone mute in the corner;
we would watch as he mouthed every word,

A dozen times over, reciting each line,
but with never a syllable heard.

His hair, it was riddled with cobwebs,
(or spiderwebs, given his state):
a macabre little creature 
eyes glassy and hollow,
recessed in  expressionless slate.

We asked him his name, and he jotted
on the back of some page that he had.
MY NAME IS DARK RIDER, THE POET!
"DLMC" he wheezed as he laughed.

"No deaf-mute am I, my companions!"
He rasped

"Just a man of much thought and some time...

I've been reading this poem for some
forty-odd years,

and I haven't yet thought up a rhyme!"


SoI turned to this pitiful vagrant,
with a world-hewn gaze in my eye:
'twas the look of old driftwood 
long cut from the sea,
and my stare like one chosen to die.

"YOU FOOL!" I shouted,
"YOU POOR, WRETCHED BASTARD,
Why waste life on one piece from my tomes?!

You forgot," I continued,
as I tore up his page,
"I had titled it
'DESTROY THIS POEM!'"

Reply
:icondarkriderdlmc:
DarkRiderDLMC Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013
Foolish lad, it makes me sad,
to see you act the buffoon!
Shouting, "You Fool!"
with a twitch and a drool,
like a howler monkey first seeing the moon...

But, DESTROY THIS POEM? You leaping Gnome,
I'm afraid you did that on your own,
yet it gave you a DD,
which goes to show, I can see,
that on dA, the persistent puppy gets the bone.

 
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If you could read
what I had said,
with utter, careful comprehension,

Perhaps you'd see
that what I wrote,
was empty of all ill intention.

To explicate, 
I illustrated
what I found an irony:
that you would waste
your time and pa-
tience struggling to
reply to me,

when every comment
we have made
is to a poem 
about avoid-

ing any and all fame and fortune,
pleading that it were destroyed.

And so I wrote
within my story,
how I did as I'd intended.

I grabbed your copy of my poem,
and lightly cursed you as I rended--

not in insult, but chastisement,
as what poem is worth a life?
I meant to show
that you had fo-
cused on a task not worth the strife.

So as I end this small synopsis,
I'll repeat another time:
If you find yourself in eons
by still searching for a rhyme,

Please take note that
I once wrote a 
poem against all poetry.

Words are nice, but 
life is nicer.

Heed that advice,
and you'll be free.
Reply
:iconshellybasson:
shellybasson Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Stumbled upon this by chance.
I loved it.
Thank you for sharing it.
Reply
:iconkbuff1999:
Kbuff1999 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Amazing job. Truly remarkable. :)
Reply
:iconblackblade201:
blackblade201 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
I think i love this poem you say its crap others say its beautiful, a masterpiece, or as you say nice, good image and what you can add is it is really hilarious and i guess that economy class is really boring to you to write this. thanks for sharing the poem :D
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I wrote this when I was 17 or 18, and I'm almost 23 now, so luckily, that Econ class has been gone for a while. It was really boring, though, and ultimately unhelpful.

To be honest, if I were a teacher and someone handed this poem to me, I wouldn't quite know what to say, either. I think that's what made it fun to write.

Also, you're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconblackblade201:
blackblade201 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013
well i am glad that i am (so far as i know) is not taking the econ class so i will not be writing a similar poem to this. So what are u doing now that you are 23 instead of 18
Reply
:iconironicpink:
ironicpink Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I +fav'ed this poem ages ago. I'm the sort of person who when I fav something, goes back once in a while to search through them, read the poems, look at the pictures ect... however, every time I do... I read, and re-read, and re-read this one.

just thought you'd like to know. :]
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god, that's amazing. I know I have no real reason to complain, but I used to get discouraged that I had so many views on this compared to +favs, because I thought people were just looking at it, deeming it uninteresting, and moving on. Then a few people pointed out that maybe, just maybe, the people that like it keep it around to re-read. And, sure enough, that's what you did. Pretty damn cool. Thanks for sharing. :)

Also, sorry for the late reply. The better a comment is, the more time I take on it because I want to say something important. This usually results in comments never getting answered, because I drag out my reply until it feels awkward. Avoiding that now, though (as seem by my saying stuff.)

Btw, if you love this, it's pretty much directly inspired by Taylor Mali, specifically his performance of "What Teachers Make:" [link]

And while we're on the subject of slam poetry, to me, this is my favorite slam poem ever: [link]
Reply
:iconcountryxgirl:
countryxgirl Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
WOW! thats all i can say to you!
Reply
:icondemzdem:
demZdem Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012
this is absolutely fantastic. i shall not write "nice" or "super" because that is not what it is. it is fucking brilliant. and i love the part with
"jack the ripper" (Black Butler! :D) amazing poem *clicks favorite button*
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol. Happy you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconsailormeowmeow:
SailorMeowMeow Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
WOW I LOVED THAT!!!!
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm very glad you did. Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconsailormeowmeow:
SailorMeowMeow Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Why thank you, its AMAZING. Im thinking to read this at the Annual Poem Cafe my school is holding. Don't worry, I'll credit you (just ur username cuz i dont know ur real one), since I'm a horrible writer, I always make sure to credit the amazing ppl that do make these workd :DDD. Its gonna be held somewhere in the Spring
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure, go for it. Though if you want to use my real name, it's Caleb Niederer (pronounced Need-er, but the spelling's all weird). I wrote this when I was 17 or 18, but I'm 22 now. I have far fewer reasons to be afraid of strangers. :)

And yes, you can absolutely use this poem, or any poem of mine, for that matter. I understand that for business reasons, copyright is a necessary evil, but really, I prefer sharing my art with as many people as possible.

Hope the Annual Poem Cafe thing turns out spectacular. There are so many good poems, and so few that I learned about through school. Also, if you need two reeeaaally reaaaaally good ones, two of my all-time favorites are:
"Jellyfish" by Andrea Gibson - [link]
"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock": [link]

Ooh! And "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg: [link]

Plus, if you want to know what my own poem was based on, it's very similar in format to "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali: [link]
Reply
:iconsailormeowmeow:
SailorMeowMeow Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Hey it's been a while since your reply but I wanted to tell you thank you so much for letting me use your poem. My friends encouraged me to try out for talent show with it, and I honestly thought it was a miracle I got in and became one of the eight acts. :DD I was even more surpised when I won third place in the talent show :DDD thank you so much for this opportunity to express myself through your poem.
Reply
:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, no worries on the reply. I didn't expect one back, so it's kind of a nice surprise.

Man, that's beyond cool to know that A) someone would like my poem, B)someone would actually read it aloud in front of an audience, and C)would do pretty well in a talent show with it.

Consequently, you're actually the first person ever to read that poem aloud in front of an audience. I've wanted to, and I've recorded myself reading it before, but haven't felt a good time or place to perform it (though I practice in the mirror every now and then).

And no problem on the opportunity to express yourself. To me, that's what art's supposed to be. I'm actually pretty stoked you could. Makes me feel like I'm doing it right. So thanks in return. :)
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:icongoldilocks92:
Goldilocks92 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't know what to say. Just that I really enjoyed it. Haha this is what I was trying to get across in one of my poems. You did it so well.
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks very much. Glad it struck a chord with you. :)

Out of curiosity, which piece of yours is similar?
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:icongoldilocks92:
Goldilocks92 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know, I didn't post it because it didn't turn out very well. :)
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah. That happens sometimes.

Though you ever need clinical, super-thorough critique,I'm always up for it. And if not, I'm also up for sitting on my ass playing Team Fortress 2 for hours, so no problem there.
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:icongoldilocks92:
Goldilocks92 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LOL I'm up for any critique on my poems. If you like, just choose one and have at it!
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:iconswirl-spill:
Swirl-spill Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
This is a huge inspiration to me for my writing kick for College Prep English this year :D

Time to get raw, honest, and juvenile >: D

I wish I could give you proper critique....but my love for this is just too strong. So, I'll just have to applaud you on this piece :)

:clap: Awesome job.
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Charles Bukowski, Allen Ginsberg, Taylor Mali, Andrea Gibson...there are a lot of raw, honest, juvenile poets out there. :) I think we need that these days. Everyone treats poems as these art-house, pretentious snippets, when they can actually be pretty punk-rock. No instruments, no beat, no attempt at anything, just: "I wrote this while drunk. I like the buzzing sound my light makes. Fuck you. I'm done." It's pretty awesome.

Also, thanks.

Here are my favorites if you ever need more inspiration:
"Howl" by Allen Ginsberg: [link]
"What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali: [link]
"Jellyfish" by Andrea Gibson: [link]

My favorite poem ever is "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," by the way, but it's like "Jellyfish" by Andrea Gibson in that it's pretty serious stuff: [link]

aaaaand "This Poet" by Charles Bukowski (can't find it online, so I'm typing it out. Yes, it's supposed to look like this):

this poet

this poet he'
d been drink
ing 2 or 3 da
ys and he wa
lked out ont
he stage and
looked at th
at audience
and he just k
new he was
going to do i
t. there was
a grand pian
o on stage a
nd he walke
d over andli
fted the lid a
nd vomited i
nside the pia
no. then he c
losed the lid
and gave his
reading.

they had to r
emove the st
rings from t
he piano and
wash out the
insides and r
estring it.

I can unders
tand why th
ey never invi
ted him bac
k. but to pas
s the word o
n toother un
iversities tha
t he was a
poet who lik
ed to vomit i
nto grand pi
anos was un
fair.

they never c
onsidered th
e quality of
his reading.
I know this
poet: he's ju
st like the re
st of us: he'l
I vomit anyw
here for mon
ey.
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:iconswirl-spill:
Swirl-spill Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012
Oh, wow :D

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ^_^


As well, as giving me some new poetry to try out : )
I'll be sure to check them out ^^

Have a nice day~! :D
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:iconierpier:
ierpier Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I love this poem. Don't know why, but I love it.
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, in a weird way, that's what I think about when writing most of my poems. Poems are strange.

Anyway, thanks. :)
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:iconierpier:
ierpier Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Strange is good, Strange is pretty :)
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Like The Goddess Bunny: [link]

Whenever you're feeling down, remember that she's been on the red carpet for the MTV Music Awards, a music video for Marilyn Manson, and a movie by Harmony Korine, which makes her far more rich and famous than you. And, by sheer numbers, probably more admired/well-liked.

Or, you know, perhaps you shouldn't, and just go on living your life.

Anyway! Poems are strange. Yay poetry. :)
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:iconi-love-cupcakes98:
I-love-cupcakes98 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I don't really read all that much poetry, but I thought this was great. ^ ^
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad you think so. But if you want some decent poetry very similar to this, check out Taylor Mali's stuff. I actually based this on his style a bit: [link]

And for something much prettier: [link]
Andrea Gibson did that one. It's one of my favorites.

Thanks for the :fav:, by the way. :)
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:iconi-love-cupcakes98:
I-love-cupcakes98 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Welcome. :3
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:iconobsessiveotakupunk:
obsessiveotakupunk Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012
this is amazing-:blush:i mean horrible.
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:iconniedec:
niedec Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks very much!

I mean,eh. Fine. whatever.
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